Reverse Culture Shock and Adjusting Back to the American Dream

I remember the day I left for Spain in September 2016 pretty vividly. I was alone, nervous about language barriers (despite having 8 years of Spanish classes), and already feeling somewhat homesick. I said goodbye to my parents and my best friend, Kate at the airport in Wichita, Kansas and headed to my gate. As soon as I sat down in my airplane seat, I remember thinking “It’s going to be a long time before I see them again.” However, once I landed in Chicago for my connecting flight to Madrid the nerves had mostly worn off and the excitement of starting a new adventure by myself had set in.

After landing in Madrid, I met a couple who didn’t speak Spanish at the airport and they were worried because they needed to catch a train and didn’t know how to get to the train station. Luckily for them, I was going to the same train station and spoke Spanish. Even though I was in a foreign country, I had these two people with me which made the arrival to Spain a lot more comforting. Nonetheless, at the train station we had to say our goodbyes and an overwhelming feeling of loneliness came over me.

I boarded my train to Leon (my stop on the way to Galicia) and checked into my airbnb for the first night. I didn’t even leave my airbnb except to have dinner and I remember laying in the bed already feeling so homesick and wondering if I had made the right decision to move to Europe. Without going into much more detail-these feelings of homesickness and adjustment only lasted for maximum one week and as I met more people the adjustment became very easy and the feeling of being completely independent and free had set in naturally. Spain quickly became home.

Aeropuerto de Vigo

Now what if I told you that coming home induced these same feelings and thoughts, but the adjustment period was a lot longer and harder? You might not believe me, but I promise reverse culture shock is a thing and it’s a bizarre phenomenon to experience.

I hate to say it, but coming home almost felt anti-climatic. The thought of settling down has been terrifying for someone who, I guess, was “living life in the fast lane” or what felt like it. Instead of living life from 0 to 60, it feels like I have gone from 60 to 0. At first, coming home was great, I spent a day in Boston, spent time with my family upon my arrival to Kansas, and focused on doing the things that I love about being home. But once the excitement of seeing my friends and family wore off and I had to start planning a future for myself, I began to wonder if I had made the right decision to come home; and quite honestly, I still think about it from time to time. The reality of facing “adulthood” was not appealing

Even though I know it isn’t the case and I am still adjusting, I feel like I have taken many steps backwards. Most of this is because my life in Spain and my life currently in the United States are completely different. The language, culture, and my personal lifestyles between the two countries couldn’t be more opposite. In Europe,  I was working only 12 hours & making a fairly competitive wage (for Spain), living independently, and spent my weekends exploring the world. I was spending weekends traveling to new cities and countries, routinely getting coffees and beers with friends, creating new memories almost daily, and always taking advantage of my time to do the things that were important to me. I literally felt on top of the world; it was the “perfect” life.

One thing I know for certain is I was not prepared to return to the expensive American lifestyle. The United States is seen as the land of opportunity and it is, but it is also overwhelming in the same way. My Spanish friends thought I was crazy to go there to work because they had dreams of coming to the United States. Which I get, but for someone from the U.S. to live in Spain it feels like a materialistic detox. We have so many THINGS in the United States and live so conveniently that we almost don’t realize it. I got used to never using a clothes dryer (basically no one in Europe uses them unless they are rich), dishwasher, depending on public transport for everything, and walking to and from the grocery store. These things may sound like inconveniences to us and at first, they were; but I quickly realized how unnecessary many everyday items are that we have in our households. While living in Spain, I definitely became more of a “minimalist” than I had actually planned on–but it was a natural transition as I was spending my money on new experiences rather than new things. 

I knew coming home would be expensive and that I would have to live with my parents for awhile until I could get back on my feet, but I didn’t realize how hard it would be to actually reach a point of independence, save decent money to get my own place, and create a new beginning for myself.

Also, I have felt wildly unmotivated and unfocused since being home– which is mostly why it took me so long to write this, despite it being hard to accurately put into words. I try not to be too hard on myself for this because I still am coming down from the high of living abroad. It’s been difficult to talk about with friends and family because as much as I try to explain myself it’s obvious that my feelings aren’t clearly conveyed and honestly they may not ever be because we weren’t in each other’s lives much the last two years and that’s no ones fault…but it makes it harder to talk about because I know I won’t be fully understood. The first few weeks of being back were the worst because I couldn’t even think about Spain or my friends there without crying. I felt lonely, cut off, and caged away from the life I had spent two years creating for myself.

I have now been back for six weeks and I have spent the last 2-3 weeks trying to create a new sense of purpose for myself. I started a new job which has really helped to get me back in to a routine, it re-introduced me to the value of working a (real) job, and has allowed meet new people. I’ve still been focusing on my gym routine and have been trying to incorporate small, but important elements from my Spanish lifestyle into my American one so that I don’t feel completely lost. I have tried

The most helpful part of adjusting back has been taking time to find a new direction–and it wasn’t easy. Sometimes I still feel like I am set in somewhat of an anti-climax, but I am also a firm believer that life is what we make it. I will always miss Vigo and Spain–and want to move back, but I can’t waste anymore time waiting around being sad about it because I know myself well enough that if I get caught into that mindset that I will miss out on other opportunities. So re-introducing myself to positive thoughts and reminding myself that it is just a new beginning has me excited for the future and what it holds.

My main focus right now is to find a balance between my life at home and my life abroad so that I can take my best qualities from both to create a whole new chapter for myself.  

I’m sure I will have more posts on reverse culture shock and adjustment soon-ish, so stay tuned!

Thank you guys as always for reading! ♥ Molly

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Have you experience reverse culture shock after living or traveling abroad? What are your tips for adjusting? Comment below!

To find out more about my experiences in Spain, check this out.